Perspective

I have been on a journey of self since I last posted.

I called the doc, and he explained that though my fasting glucose test was within normal parameters, 2 of the 3 timed tests were above normal. This means that my body isn't producing enough insulin to efficently process glucose. Next week I will meet with a dietician who will recommend dietary changes to reduce my sugar intake to keep it inline with my insulin production. My doctor seems pretty confident that that's all that's needed.

I'm frustrated with myself. I really never saw myself at 31 years old with gestational diabetes (technically speaking, I am in the pre-diabetic range) and chronic hypertension. I'm looking for some factor in my life to point at and blame, but really...honestly...I've hovered between 30-40 pounds overweight my entire adult life (with the exception of about 3 years in there I was within 5 pounds of my "target weight") and smoked since I was 16. If my chronic hypertension is a result of my addiction to caffeine and nicotine (with some genes thrown in for flavor), my weight is a result of a vicious cycle of binge eating and lack of exercise caused and fueled by depression. Ooh. Depressed. Let's eat a pound of oreos. More depressed? A gallon of ice cream! Even when I am feeling OK, like I have been for more consecutive months than I can ever remember, I have trouble motivating NOT to just eat whatever I want to and getting off my butt to walk around the block or do some yoga.

I've made a lot of positive changes in my life this past year, and part of me feels entitled to wait until there is a "better time" to tackle so many years of a sedentary lifestyle. But procrastination has gotten me to where I am now. It's time to move forward.