Remembering that South Park song

Alec's uncle arrived today to see Alec's mom. I wasn't thrilled to hear he was returning, because he's crazy and I find him grating even when he's not being crazy. Alec assured me that he was just going to pick Karin up early in the morning ("Maybe even before you're up.") to go into the city and drop her off after they went to see a show this evening. His flight was this morning rather than last night, and when Karin phoned him this morning, he planned to nap before they went out...so he was to arrive around 1 PM.

At 1:03 PM, he arrived. Karin and Lauren were upstairs cleaning Lauren's freshwater fish tank. I was in the living room changing Lindsay's diaper. He knocked on the door. Then rang the doorbell about 3 times. And then began pounding on the door. I felt every hair prickling up on the back of my neck as I fastened the tabs of Lindsay's diaper. Finally, I picked her up. and opened the door.

He stood with a USPS package in his hand that had arrived with our mail. I shifted a fussy, hungry Lindsay from shoulder to shoulder. He handed me the box. I set it down on the floor and closed the door behind me.

"I keep turning up like a bad penny," he grinned.

"Um, hi." I said. I closed the front door behind me, and moved a now crying Lindsay into my arms, and made my way back to the couch.

"Where is Karin?" he surveyed the room, and began to eye my open laptop on the desk.

"Upstairs helping Lauren with her fishtank." I replied. Lindsay finally decided to accept the botte in my hand and was gulping loudly.

"Oh. In that case, can I check my email?" he gestured at the laptop.

"Sure." I said. At this point, Lindsay spit out the bottle and began whimpering, full of gas from gulping. As I changed her position, to burp her, her crying got louder.

"Well, how do I do it?"

"There are a few browser windows open. Or you can go to the Start menu and open Internet Explorer from there." I said. Lindsay's crying raised to a near fever pitch at this point.

He persisted. "I guess it isn't your machine."

"It is mine. I don't like icons on my desktop."

"Well. I can't figure it out," he whined.

"I'm sorry I can't help you. I have my hands full. I am sure Karin can show you when she comes downstairs."

I guess at this point, he began typing in one of my Firefox windows and figured it out because he stopped talking.

Lauren padded downstairs with Karin calling behind her "I'll tell you when it's done, honey, and then you can come up and see how clean it is..." Lauren must have been "helping" too much.

"Hi," Lauren said to Uncle as she came around the corner.

He ignored her.

"Tutu and I were playing 'Ants in the Pants'" she said, gesturing at the game set up on the floor. "Would you like to play with me? It's a fun game."

No response again.

I say, "Lauren, Uncle is engrossed in his email. When Tutu comes down, they are going out. I don't think Uncle has time to play the game with you."

"No, Mom. I don't think he heard me." Lauren said crossly.

"Lauren...he just doesn't have time...if you get 'Gobble It' I will play that with you now. I can't play 'Ants in the Pants' while I am feeding Lindsay, but we can play 'Gobble It' or 'Caribou'".

"Mom, he just can't hear me." Lauren walks over to the desk to stand in front of him.

He waves her away without even looking at her.

Lauren continues to talk loudly, sincerely believing that he must me hard of hearing.

Lindsay is, of course, screaming again because she wants the bottle back, or maybe has another gas bubble. So my mind is racing that I want to go upstairs and tell Karin to leave with him RIGHT NOW or I want to throw him out of my house because I can't believe he is ignoring Lauren while using my effin computer.

I did neither. I moved Lindsay to my other shoulder and said, "Lauren, please bring your lunch plate into the kitchen. You may get a popsicle out of the freezer for dessert."

"Ok, Mom." she dutifully picked up her plate, and ran to get her dessert.

At this point, Uncle walked over to stand next to me. My skin was crawling and I couldn't even look at him. I really wanted to spit on him. He pointed his bony finger towards Lindsay's eye and asked, "What is that thing on her eyelid?"

"A birthmark. Karin is upstairs."

He went upstairs, and she must have yelled at him to go back downstairs, because he returned, demanding this time to know what the weather was going to be like this afternoon.

"I'm sorry. I have no idea."

"You don't watch the weather?"

"No. I don't."

"Well, I forgot my umbrella. Do you have one I could borrow?"

"No. I don't own an umbrella. I am sure Alec took his with him to Miami."

He looked at me doubtfully.

"He keeps it in the dining room in the bookshelf. You are welcome to look."

At that point, Karin came downstairs.

He announced, "No one seems to know the weather, and now I have to go back to the hotel to get an umbrella because there isn't one here." With that, they left.