I've had it today. Had it up to here.
I encountered a mutual acquaintance yesterday unexpectedly. He's a strange guy, and it was clear from our brief interaction that he had no idea who I was. When I have spoken to him, it is as though you've joined whatever conversation is going on in his head.
Generally speaking, I am a shy person with a lot of social anxiety. I find daily interaction with familiar people (the ones you see every day, but don't have a friendship outside those interactions) extremely uncomfortable. For example, when we lived in Boston, there were about 4 places I would buy my morning coffee because it was too awkward when they started remembering how I liked my coffee. I am a person who decides today I am drinking it black and tomorrow with cream and 4 sugars. The bus stop conversations are tough for me and generally, I try to avoid them, particularly the early morning ones before coffee. This morning I knew I was going there to discuss plans to take a neighbor's kid to soccer. She had mentioned it to Alec yesterday and he'd said I'd call her. My anxiety is heightened on the phone because suddenly accents are heightened and I have no visual context to place words that get jumbled by static, bad connections, or simply not talking directly into the phone. So I said to Alec I'd talk to her at the bus stop, and when I didn't see her there I'd thought I should call her and then immediately forgot. Alec was annoyed at me because this seemed like a pretty simple request, and honestly it is for anyone else. It just isn't for me.
When I arrived at the bus stop, I saw Beth and said, "My husband reminded me this morning I was supposed to call you. I'm so sorry...my day just kind of got away from me yesterday."
She glanced up. "No matter, we can certainly take care of the plans here."
"I'm happy to take Kasey to soccer, I just don't have an extra car seat, so..."
"...I'll make sure she has her car seat, if you can pick her up at our house at quarter to six."
Plans are made, all set. This should get easier, but it just doesn't.
I have to wonder if after these conversations with people if they walk away thinking she is so strange, like I did after encountering Greg.
4 comments:
I feel a similar sort of anxiety when dealing with other parents. I always feel as if I should know them better; should be more active at the school or have their child over for play dates. It's sort of nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like a social dolt when it comes to this stuff!
I think this is a great post for people to read. I am just now working on learning that what can appear as "standoffishness" may in fact be no such thing. And just an awkwardness at small talk. I tend to mask my uncomfortableness with excessive blabbering. Like I have to be saying something or they will consider me unfriendly. I guess we all have this anxiety to a degree. I think the thing I am trying to learn is not to jump to assumptions.
Oh, and I hate calling people I don't know. Hate it.
I used to have this problem and then I spent a bunch of years in retail, that'll beat it out of you. I still hate the phone though. I always feel as if I'm interrupting even if they are expecting my call. It's particularly nasty if I have to ask for something. Email is my best friend.
If there is any after-thought by those other people, that is THEIR stuff.
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