Another quick one

Sorry, I've been inundated this week. Just got home from being out since 9 AM, and it's already 1:30 PM with a mountain of laundry to fold since yesterday and a sink full to wash before 2:50 bus time. Oh, and I have to eat lunch since a grande green tea frappe isn't really breakfast or lunch...

1. If you're going to talk about last night's bootie call with your girlfriend at the Y, don't do it shouting over 3 treadmills. Yes, 2 were broken and unoccupied, but there I am in the center trying to crank up my music so I can't hear you. Girlfriend kept shouting, "Whaaat??" so the conversation got louder and louder.

2. Little old man, why are you fondling padded bras at Target like it's your own personal wonderland? Running frantically out of the aisle when spotted didn't help. It was more disturbing to find you 2 aisles down back at it.

3. Green tea frappe has crack in it, and should not be sipped by a 2 year old who will yell the rest of the car trip. "Wan more ICE CREAM!!!"

Midweek catchup

Whew. I can't believe it's Thursday. Here's my quick update:

1. Yes, there will be pictures of the greenhouse soon.

2. My neighbor mulched. My windows are open. This is a bad combination of life. Contrary to vernacular, horse shit is not happy.

3. Three days of activity after school make my weeks seem insane.

4. Signing Lauren up for swimming lessons makes the summer seem really soon.

Busy weekend

It was a very busy weekend and I was hoping to take some pictures of the greenhouse, but the weather here was iffy today and I am still catching up on my chores from a 4-day weekend with the girls with 2 parties.

The farm was great. I can't wait to go back there for strawberries in a couple of weeks. We will receive our first boxed share this weekend, so I am trying to stay light on the produce this weekend until I see what our haul is. Also exciting, our borough farmer's market will be in full swing starting next Friday. It also seems we've found someone to split a pig with us.

It was so humid today I was sad that we couldn't hit the pool, which opened over the weekend. Since most of the staff there are high school kids, they don't open during the week until after school ends the 3rd week of June.

Anyway, I am tired and don't have a lot to say, but it was sure nice to spend time with some wonderful people over the weekend.

Big girl sports

As I've been lamenting about having gotten out of the habit of going to the gym, I am happy to report I've been 3 days this week. We had a late night swim on Monday evening, did about 45 minutes of cardio on Tuesday, and yesterday was yoga.

Swimming laps was hard. I probably haven't done laps in 20 years. My bathing suit, purchased last year for hanging out at the pool was useless for laps and just created a lot of drag. I resolved to find a real swimsuit this week so that my next session at least I am not battling my own clothing. I discovered that all they make for big girls are the sort of suits I already have, designed for maximum coverage for sitting beside the pool with a bit of cleavage peeking out and a conservative little skirt. I've ranted at pretty much anyone who will listen that people who wear sizes larger than 12 also want to swim. Yesterday afternoon, I found 2 Speedo suits in a size 16 at Marshalls. I debated a while over purchasing both of them, but considering you can't even buy that size from the company, I decided that they were definitely worth the $30.

Yoga is on the 3rd floor of my gym. I take the elevator up to the studio, and I usually walk down the stairs. As I got into the elevator, another woman with a yoga mat got in with me. We smiled hello. As the door started to close, one of the administrators, hit the button to open it on her way to the stairs.

"You're at the gym...why are you taking the elevator? You could AT LEAST take the stairs."

There was a long moment while the woman and I both stared at her. I thought briefly about explaining about how running up the stairs gets my blood pressure too high to relax doing yoga, or that it bothers my knees or something similar, but then I realized I didn't owe this woman an explanation. I shrugged at her, and pressed the button for the 3rd floor.

She stepped into the elevator presumably to continue her rant.

The woman next to me remained silent.

"I was only kidding..." she offered.

I shrugged again.

"You didn't press the button for the 2nd floor. Is that because I made fun of you for riding the elevator and then got in?"

"I guess I pressed the button too late." I replied. "I don't really care what you think."

"I was kidding, geez."

Having her cake (and eating it too)

Recent purchases unrelated to birthdays

Over the weekend, we went to an estate sale. It was well timed because with our recent baking (we've stopped buying breakfast cereal, bread, and granola bars in favor of making and freezing French toast, loaves of honey whole wheat, and fruit and almond bars and brownies), I needed to buy a second set of Pyrex bakeware and measuring cups and spoons. I got an entire duplicate set of Pyrex for about $15. But our great find was a 4 by 5 greenhouse, which we purchased for $50. The kits go for around $800, and while it will take some learning, it would seem we could have fresh greens and herbs through the cold months.

We've talked for some time about getting a composter to reduce our output. Basically you mix your kitchen scraps that don't contain animal products and mix them with leaves and grass clippings from your yard. They sit in this black container where they get hot. Every 2 weeks you mix and water it. In about 3 months, you have top soil. In garden catalogs, these bins are several hundred dollars, but our county buys them in bulk and sells them very cheaply to encourage people to compost.

Sorry, Dad, I haven't yet built a still...

Happy birthday, Lindsay

Lindsay Alexandra Stoll, 5/21/2006

This is Lindsay's birth story, which you may opt not to read. I wrote it in an email to a friend a few days after Lindsay was born.

At 8 PM Saturday evening, I went into the hospital having contractions every 2-5 minutes, but since there was not an unbearable amount of pain, I fully expected to be evaluated and sent home. Since I was 36 weeks, 6 days, I was sent to the Preterm Evaluation Treatment Unit where they monitored my contractions and blood pressure for 3 hours. At 11 PM, the resident OB said I had progressed from 60 to 90% effacement and 3 to 4 cm, and was waiting for instruction from my doctor. He arrived a few minutes later, and said that my blood pressure had climbed to 150 over 85, and my platelet count was low (edited to add: I had preeclampsia with my pregnancy with Lauren and was put on magnesium sulfate because my OB was concerned my blood pressure had climbed so high I would have a seizure.) He said "I think you're ready to be done with this, and really, I'd rather move things along too". I nodded emphatically.

We were then moved to an L&D room. Doc came in around 12:30 AM and said that he was going to break my bag of waters to move things along, and if that didn't help, we'd start pitocen. I let my nurse know I was DEFINITELY going to want an epidural, and if we started the pitocen, I wanted the epi first. About an hour later, between various animal noises (mostly mooing) of pain, I asked for the epidural, was found to be at 5 cm, and pit was started a few minutes after the anesthesiologist administered the epi. I instantly felt better.

Around 5:45, Doc checked me and said I was 9 1/2 cm dialated and I should let him know when I was ready to push. I don't know if this was because I knew I was still at station -1 when last checked, but I really felt the baby dropping rapidly at this point. When I called everyone back in at 6:50, my doc said I was fully dialated, at +3, and that this was going to go really fast once I started pushing. Lindsay was born at 7:11, kicking and screaming, was weighed in at 6 lbs 9 oz and measured 19 inches.

My note continues about my struggles with breastfeeding, and how awed I was that Lindsay would sleep 4 hours at a stretch at only a few days old. When people with toddlers talk about sleep, I am always apologetic because for the most part, Lindsay goes to bed at 8 PM and we don't hear from her until 6:30 or 7 AM. She still takes almost a 3 hour nap every afternoon. I explain that there's nothing I've done special to foster this, she sleeps because she likes to sleep.

Limit

I've had it today. Had it up to here.

I encountered a mutual acquaintance yesterday unexpectedly. He's a strange guy, and it was clear from our brief interaction that he had no idea who I was. When I have spoken to him, it is as though you've joined whatever conversation is going on in his head.

Generally speaking, I am a shy person with a lot of social anxiety. I find daily interaction with familiar people (the ones you see every day, but don't have a friendship outside those interactions) extremely uncomfortable. For example, when we lived in Boston, there were about 4 places I would buy my morning coffee because it was too awkward when they started remembering how I liked my coffee. I am a person who decides today I am drinking it black and tomorrow with cream and 4 sugars. The bus stop conversations are tough for me and generally, I try to avoid them, particularly the early morning ones before coffee. This morning I knew I was going there to discuss plans to take a neighbor's kid to soccer. She had mentioned it to Alec yesterday and he'd said I'd call her. My anxiety is heightened on the phone because suddenly accents are heightened and I have no visual context to place words that get jumbled by static, bad connections, or simply not talking directly into the phone. So I said to Alec I'd talk to her at the bus stop, and when I didn't see her there I'd thought I should call her and then immediately forgot. Alec was annoyed at me because this seemed like a pretty simple request, and honestly it is for anyone else. It just isn't for me.

When I arrived at the bus stop, I saw Beth and said, "My husband reminded me this morning I was supposed to call you. I'm so sorry...my day just kind of got away from me yesterday."

She glanced up. "No matter, we can certainly take care of the plans here."

"I'm happy to take Kasey to soccer, I just don't have an extra car seat, so..."

"...I'll make sure she has her car seat, if you can pick her up at our house at quarter to six."

Plans are made, all set. This should get easier, but it just doesn't.

I have to wonder if after these conversations with people if they walk away thinking she is so strange, like I did after encountering Greg.

A little tear

"Your Birthday Girl pin that Auntie Jules gave you is out on your bureau."

"Yeah. I thought my sister might want to wear it on Wednesday, and I didn't want to forget so I put it out early."

Ohhh. "That was good thinking."

"I figured since she was going to be 2, she could probably take care of it for me."

You saw it here first

Grades are in

It's taken me 4 semesters to complete 12 credits, and I still have 108 until I'm eligible for graduation, but I've maintained my 4.0 average.

Yippee ki yay

Both girls wore pink cowboy boots today, so the title seems apt.

I went shopping for Lauren yesterday since she suddenly outgrew all her size 4 shirts last week. Have I mentioned lately how I heart The Children's Place Outlet? I spent $118 and bought 6 t-shirts, 2 tank tops, 2 pairs of shorts, 2 skirts, a bucket hat, 6 pairs of socks and 2 jammies for Lindsay. I wouldn't have done that well at Target and the clothes wouldn't have held up for hand-me-downs. And everything is mix-and-match in bright orange, pink, and deep purple.

I am trying to get motivated to go to yoga this morning, after not having been to the gym since before we went on vacation. I am really suffering with allergies today, and I can't take anything for them because the side effects are worse than the untreated symptoms for me. Yoga after a few weeks' break is always difficult, but I really need to get gym time back into my routine and find a balance with that and outdoor exercise because on days like today I think, "Oh, I just want to walk outside". I'm also anticipating a huge Lindsay fit at the sitter because she's no longer accustomed to it. Fun stuff.

With no end in sight

"Come on. Wan cracker peas."

"Oh, you want a cracker? Let's go to the kitchen!"

"Yes! Come on, Mama!" She stops in front of the microwave. "Wan banana peas."

"You want a banana? Oh ok." I hand her the peeled banana.

"San queue. An cracker too."

"Bananas and crackers?" I remove a whole graham cracker and break it into two bits. "Here you go, monkey."

"Yes, yes, yes." She sings, bending her knees and bouncing.

While I was excited to see that the district is planning paid whole day Pre-K next year, Alec let me know this morning that it says, "This may be the last year we offer free half-day pre-K." I started grumbling because I'd have to work in order to afford that, and the program is 2 1/2 hours a day, making it impossible to work. Somehow knowing there was available albeit for pay full day Pre-K and then all day kindergarten after that put the end in sight for me 2 1/2 years from now.

I love being home with the kids, and I find it hard and tedious. There are plenty of days I wish I could escape to a desk and grown-up conversation that doesn't involve milestones and sleep methods. I am trying to be enthusiastic about the upcoming summer, but really I don't know how I will cope without my 2-hour breaks in the afternoon where I can actually get laundry done uninterrupted.

Maybe my attitude is just about its Monday and my house, as it is on Mondays, is completely trashed and there are 4 loads of laundry and unmade beds, and all I want to do is go back to sleep.

Some photos

Today as the not-so-little girl walked in front of me with her long legs in pink cowboy boots (props to Karen) I realized with a twinge of sadness that our days of holding hands walking on the sidewalk were over, as her cool palm and long slender fingers slid out of my own. There are still things that remind me of that adorable 3-year-old obsessed with all things pink: the coat, the princess backpack, and the aforementioned boots, but at 5 1/2, her vernacular is rid of toddler words and mixed tenses. In a few short weeks, she will be done with Kindergarten and off to the wilds of numbered grades.
Lindsay sports her new backpack and sun hat. It occurred to me that if I bought her a yellow hat, she might actually wear it unlike her sister's handed down pink hat which periodically gets thrown out of the stroller. Her monkey backpack is a restraint system. Yes, a toddler leash. Lindsay is far more interested in walking at nearly 2 than Lauren, and too young to understand that running at the street is unsafe. I didn't think I'd leash my kid, but then, by the time Lauren walked she was old enough to reason. She was super cooperative today at Target and sat still while I checked out with the promise of a shortbread cookie from Starbucks. She even walked up the stairs nicely to have a story before nap time. "You can choose the story." "Okay, Mommy."

My best early Mother's Day present from Lauren's All About Me workbook:

When I grow up...

I am going to be a mom.

A sentence about my family...

I love my mom!

All things yellow

Alec: I think Lindsay has a favorite color.

Heather: She is a little obsessed with all things yellow.

Alec: I noticed. I think we know what we have to get for her birthday.

Heather: [...]

Alec: Something yellow?

Ridiculous conversations

"What if Mother's Day were like Christmas and if you were bad you got a bag of coal?"

"It would be like, score - heating for a month! - and damn, better luck next year."

"Dear son, Thank you for your Mother's Day present, and sorry I suck. Love, your mom."

"I wonder if Hallmark makes that card."

Learning new things every day

Lindsay recently learned her colors. She is about 80% naming what you indicate, sometimes I think she tells you what color she would like it to be. She also has learned to ask for 2 of something. "Do you want a cracker?" "No. I want 2 crackers."

Because 2 crackers is better. Or we need one for each hand. I don't know. It seems her answer to everything is "No" even when it's yes because of some other attached instruction.

"Pick fower."

"The pink one?"

"No, lellow fower."

"This yellow one?"

"No. Two lellow fower. Lion an that one."

It took a while to determine "That one" was a buttercup. Not 2 dandelions. At playgroup, we had about a half dozen tantrums and exercised the word "Mine" a lot. "My fiiiitruck. Mine!" It had been a while since I'd been - and I was sort of pleased to hear they are planning to change the day of the week for fall, so that Lindsay and I won't have to skip yoga to go like we did this morning.

Oh my word

"Chickens are oviparous," Lauren explained to her sister.

"They are what?" I asked.

"Oviparous."

"What does that mean?"

"It means hatched from an egg."

My mouth forms a round "Oh" rather like an egg. I Google to confirm. Yep. My daughter is officially smarter than me. Or is that I?

I have baked more these past few days than I can remember. Pizza? Oh my word so good with some olive oil, fresh garlic, and minced clams. Brownies? Why did we get convinced that it was hard to make them? It took 2 minutes to throw together a perfect medium between fudgy and cake-like. Our freezer holds 2 loaves of frozen bread, a gallon ziplock full of french toast for quick breakfast, and tonight's addition - curried lentils with cauliflower and sweet potato. I made another double batch of gelato. The only failed experiment was the oatmeal bars stuck to the Pyrex. Tonight I made fruit and nut bars with strawberry jam and almonds. I have three dinners in my fridge, so I will actually have a night off from cooking tomorrow.

If Lindsay uses the word oviparous even in her typical three-word sentences, I probably will run screaming into the night.

More greening

I imagine the rest of you out there feel the tight pinch of the household budget these days. In the past few months, my grocery costs seem to have exploded. Part of this is just reallocated money. - we used to eat a three meals we didn't prepare - either at restaurants or delivery. Although I've improved the quality of them, we still are spending about $20-30 a week on processed foods: breakfast cereal, crackers, bread, granola bars, boxed milk and juices for Lauren's snacks and lunches. As my weekly grocery bill hovers around $150 of the $200 a week I have to run the household, I realize I have to somehow get this number to be smaller because it means that every time we have an emergency expense, like the $500 deductible to repair my brand new car someone hit in a parking lot(!!), we just accrue more debt. I want to keep the healthy changes we've made in terms of buying more responsibly farmed food.

But how do you go cold turkey on processed food, particularly with limited time in the morning to prepare food before school, the need to have easily packable food in school lunches and snacks, and a toddler who gets most of her nutrition from crackers?

I baked bread this week. Three loaves of honey whole wheat and a baguette. I also made gelato - a double batch of cinnamon vanilla and a batch of chocolate. I won't say that these were all great. The whole wheat came out exactly right. It's perfect for sandwiches or toast. I found out that if I am to make this bread regularly and I would say there'd be no reason not to - most of the time this took was in waiting for the yeast to rise, I need at least another loaf pan and two would be better. The baguette did not turn out right. It's not a bad bread, but it's far too dense to be called baguette. Breadmaking 101 says I either didn't knead it long enough, used too much flour, or the flour was "low grade". The gelato was heavenly. There's really nothing like homemade ice cream made with cream, sugar, and egg yolks. The custard is a bit time consuming when you're making a large batch, but it was really nice to be able to enjoy 2 dinners with ice cream dessert. And the batch made with unsweetened cocoa was just amazing.

I found a recipe for oatmeal nut bars that seems to span the nutritious snack versus cookie thing pretty well that I will try next week. I also want to think a bit more about quick breakfast that's not a $5 box of Kashi (and of course they like different cereals). I keep seeing crock oatmeal, which would be doable, but I've not managed to make that turn out right. Some sort of breakfast casserole maybe? A big batch of berry pancakes that can be premade and frozen?

And the idea of making yogurt interests me. We probably go through 2 6-packs of the Stonyfield Yo! a week. Yogurt is boiled milk, cooled then kept at 115-120 degrees for 6-8 hours in the presence of a probiotic starter, which can just be ready-made yogurt.

I guess the answer will be some of these things will work, and some won't.