You are what you eat

"It's a Vegan option." I say.

"Vegan?"

"Vegans don't eat animals or animal byproducts like dairy."

"Oh." Lindsay considers this. "You're planning to not eat meat any more?"

"No. I am not planning that. I am actually currently eating a steak."

"Ah. I would not like it if you stopped eating meat."

"Why would you care if I ate it or not? You can eat it even if I don't."

"A mom that doesn't eat bacon is a bad idea." She replies.

Shortly after dinner, I stop at a friend's house to take care of her cats, and call Alec's phone to find out what kind of ice cream I should bring home. Alec is gaming, so Lindsay answers, "Hi Mom."

"What flavor?"

"What are you getting?"

"Banana."

"Are you being Vegan?"

"You just saw me eat a steak, like an hour ago."

"I was making sure. I will have banana also."

Puff the Magic Dragon

"Puff the Magic Dragon is a song about a dragon who loves a little boy. But little boys grow into men, and grown men don't believe in dragons so they can't be friends any more. This makes Puff very sad, because dragons live forever and he's going to spend a long time missing his friend. But his friend brings his little boy, who will be his new friend. So see, it actually turns out OK."

Conversations you never thought you'd have to have with your seven year old daughter

There's a spa in town that has a big sign on the front window. They list their prices and services, and that they have organic products for sale. The big sign suggests that after you have your bikini wax, you might want to vagazzle.

Yes. Really. Vagazzle.

We are walking to the sushi place for dinner. It's just the three of us, since Lauren is away.

Lindsay inquires, naturally, "What's vagazzle?"

Alec clucks and says nothing. I stiffle a giggle, and take a deep breath. "They glue sparkly gems on your private parts."

Lindsay makes a face. "Why would you pay someone for that?"

"That's a good question, Linner," Alec says, "Why would you pay for that, Mommy?"

"I wouldn't pay for it. It sounds uncomfortable."

"Daddy, can you get vagazzled?"

"No, Linner. I don't have a vag."

"Oh, do they call it a penazzle?"

Alec and I both start laughing. We can't stop. Finally, I say, "This is probably the most awkward and inappropriate conversation ever."

Lindsay says, "Seriously, I don't know why you would pay for that."