All you thirty-something blonde mommies are interchangable

Scene: Church hallway after children's choir practice. JANE finishes getting a drink at the water fountain and is startled to see EPIPHANY standing with her two daughters.

JANE: Oh, hi!

EPIPHANY: Hi, Jane. How are you?

JANE: I'm fine. It's Shannon, right?

EPIPHANY: No, it's Epiphany. I can see why you thought that, though. We're about the same height, with short blonde hair and glasses and have little kids. Shannon has three children.

JANE: Oh, right, she has two boys and the baby?

EPIPHANY: Yes, Charlie and...I don't remember the middle one's name.

JANE: I think the baby's name is Brianna.

EPIPHANY: That's nice.

JANE: What are your daughter's names again?

EPIPHANY: Lauren and Lindsay. Lauren is 5 1/2 and Lindsay is 2.

JANE: Nice. Do you go by Jessie or Jessica?

EPIPHANY: Neither. My name is Epiphany.

JANE: Oh...I'm so sorry.

EPIPHANY: Jessie is also blonde, sometimes wears glasses, and has a 3-year-old son.

JANE: Um, I have to go now.

Snippets from my life

Lindsay peed on the bathroom floor upon exiting the bathtub. She stopped, midstream, and looked surprised at herself.

"Lindsay, do you want to make a pee pee in the potty?" I asked, hopefully.

"No," she replied tersely, squatting on the towel wrapped around her. "I'm finished now."

***

"I saw a diary today that had princesses on it. They even had princess pencils. We could get that for you and you could practice writing write down your thoughts."

"I don't have any thoughts. When I close my eyes all I see are blue squares mostly. Occasionally rectangles. They are blue also."

Having her cake (and eating it too)

Happy birthday, Lindsay

Lindsay Alexandra Stoll, 5/21/2006

This is Lindsay's birth story, which you may opt not to read. I wrote it in an email to a friend a few days after Lindsay was born.

At 8 PM Saturday evening, I went into the hospital having contractions every 2-5 minutes, but since there was not an unbearable amount of pain, I fully expected to be evaluated and sent home. Since I was 36 weeks, 6 days, I was sent to the Preterm Evaluation Treatment Unit where they monitored my contractions and blood pressure for 3 hours. At 11 PM, the resident OB said I had progressed from 60 to 90% effacement and 3 to 4 cm, and was waiting for instruction from my doctor. He arrived a few minutes later, and said that my blood pressure had climbed to 150 over 85, and my platelet count was low (edited to add: I had preeclampsia with my pregnancy with Lauren and was put on magnesium sulfate because my OB was concerned my blood pressure had climbed so high I would have a seizure.) He said "I think you're ready to be done with this, and really, I'd rather move things along too". I nodded emphatically.

We were then moved to an L&D room. Doc came in around 12:30 AM and said that he was going to break my bag of waters to move things along, and if that didn't help, we'd start pitocen. I let my nurse know I was DEFINITELY going to want an epidural, and if we started the pitocen, I wanted the epi first. About an hour later, between various animal noises (mostly mooing) of pain, I asked for the epidural, was found to be at 5 cm, and pit was started a few minutes after the anesthesiologist administered the epi. I instantly felt better.

Around 5:45, Doc checked me and said I was 9 1/2 cm dialated and I should let him know when I was ready to push. I don't know if this was because I knew I was still at station -1 when last checked, but I really felt the baby dropping rapidly at this point. When I called everyone back in at 6:50, my doc said I was fully dialated, at +3, and that this was going to go really fast once I started pushing. Lindsay was born at 7:11, kicking and screaming, was weighed in at 6 lbs 9 oz and measured 19 inches.

My note continues about my struggles with breastfeeding, and how awed I was that Lindsay would sleep 4 hours at a stretch at only a few days old. When people with toddlers talk about sleep, I am always apologetic because for the most part, Lindsay goes to bed at 8 PM and we don't hear from her until 6:30 or 7 AM. She still takes almost a 3 hour nap every afternoon. I explain that there's nothing I've done special to foster this, she sleeps because she likes to sleep.

A little tear

"Your Birthday Girl pin that Auntie Jules gave you is out on your bureau."

"Yeah. I thought my sister might want to wear it on Wednesday, and I didn't want to forget so I put it out early."

Ohhh. "That was good thinking."

"I figured since she was going to be 2, she could probably take care of it for me."

You saw it here first

Yippee ki yay

Both girls wore pink cowboy boots today, so the title seems apt.

I went shopping for Lauren yesterday since she suddenly outgrew all her size 4 shirts last week. Have I mentioned lately how I heart The Children's Place Outlet? I spent $118 and bought 6 t-shirts, 2 tank tops, 2 pairs of shorts, 2 skirts, a bucket hat, 6 pairs of socks and 2 jammies for Lindsay. I wouldn't have done that well at Target and the clothes wouldn't have held up for hand-me-downs. And everything is mix-and-match in bright orange, pink, and deep purple.

I am trying to get motivated to go to yoga this morning, after not having been to the gym since before we went on vacation. I am really suffering with allergies today, and I can't take anything for them because the side effects are worse than the untreated symptoms for me. Yoga after a few weeks' break is always difficult, but I really need to get gym time back into my routine and find a balance with that and outdoor exercise because on days like today I think, "Oh, I just want to walk outside". I'm also anticipating a huge Lindsay fit at the sitter because she's no longer accustomed to it. Fun stuff.

With no end in sight

"Come on. Wan cracker peas."

"Oh, you want a cracker? Let's go to the kitchen!"

"Yes! Come on, Mama!" She stops in front of the microwave. "Wan banana peas."

"You want a banana? Oh ok." I hand her the peeled banana.

"San queue. An cracker too."

"Bananas and crackers?" I remove a whole graham cracker and break it into two bits. "Here you go, monkey."

"Yes, yes, yes." She sings, bending her knees and bouncing.

While I was excited to see that the district is planning paid whole day Pre-K next year, Alec let me know this morning that it says, "This may be the last year we offer free half-day pre-K." I started grumbling because I'd have to work in order to afford that, and the program is 2 1/2 hours a day, making it impossible to work. Somehow knowing there was available albeit for pay full day Pre-K and then all day kindergarten after that put the end in sight for me 2 1/2 years from now.

I love being home with the kids, and I find it hard and tedious. There are plenty of days I wish I could escape to a desk and grown-up conversation that doesn't involve milestones and sleep methods. I am trying to be enthusiastic about the upcoming summer, but really I don't know how I will cope without my 2-hour breaks in the afternoon where I can actually get laundry done uninterrupted.

Maybe my attitude is just about its Monday and my house, as it is on Mondays, is completely trashed and there are 4 loads of laundry and unmade beds, and all I want to do is go back to sleep.

Some photos

Today as the not-so-little girl walked in front of me with her long legs in pink cowboy boots (props to Karen) I realized with a twinge of sadness that our days of holding hands walking on the sidewalk were over, as her cool palm and long slender fingers slid out of my own. There are still things that remind me of that adorable 3-year-old obsessed with all things pink: the coat, the princess backpack, and the aforementioned boots, but at 5 1/2, her vernacular is rid of toddler words and mixed tenses. In a few short weeks, she will be done with Kindergarten and off to the wilds of numbered grades.
Lindsay sports her new backpack and sun hat. It occurred to me that if I bought her a yellow hat, she might actually wear it unlike her sister's handed down pink hat which periodically gets thrown out of the stroller. Her monkey backpack is a restraint system. Yes, a toddler leash. Lindsay is far more interested in walking at nearly 2 than Lauren, and too young to understand that running at the street is unsafe. I didn't think I'd leash my kid, but then, by the time Lauren walked she was old enough to reason. She was super cooperative today at Target and sat still while I checked out with the promise of a shortbread cookie from Starbucks. She even walked up the stairs nicely to have a story before nap time. "You can choose the story." "Okay, Mommy."

My best early Mother's Day present from Lauren's All About Me workbook:

When I grow up...

I am going to be a mom.

A sentence about my family...

I love my mom!

All things yellow

Alec: I think Lindsay has a favorite color.

Heather: She is a little obsessed with all things yellow.

Alec: I noticed. I think we know what we have to get for her birthday.

Heather: [...]

Alec: Something yellow?

Ridiculous conversations

"What if Mother's Day were like Christmas and if you were bad you got a bag of coal?"

"It would be like, score - heating for a month! - and damn, better luck next year."

"Dear son, Thank you for your Mother's Day present, and sorry I suck. Love, your mom."

"I wonder if Hallmark makes that card."

Learning new things every day

Lindsay recently learned her colors. She is about 80% naming what you indicate, sometimes I think she tells you what color she would like it to be. She also has learned to ask for 2 of something. "Do you want a cracker?" "No. I want 2 crackers."

Because 2 crackers is better. Or we need one for each hand. I don't know. It seems her answer to everything is "No" even when it's yes because of some other attached instruction.

"Pick fower."

"The pink one?"

"No, lellow fower."

"This yellow one?"

"No. Two lellow fower. Lion an that one."

It took a while to determine "That one" was a buttercup. Not 2 dandelions. At playgroup, we had about a half dozen tantrums and exercised the word "Mine" a lot. "My fiiiitruck. Mine!" It had been a while since I'd been - and I was sort of pleased to hear they are planning to change the day of the week for fall, so that Lindsay and I won't have to skip yoga to go like we did this morning.

Oh my word

"Chickens are oviparous," Lauren explained to her sister.

"They are what?" I asked.

"Oviparous."

"What does that mean?"

"It means hatched from an egg."

My mouth forms a round "Oh" rather like an egg. I Google to confirm. Yep. My daughter is officially smarter than me. Or is that I?

I have baked more these past few days than I can remember. Pizza? Oh my word so good with some olive oil, fresh garlic, and minced clams. Brownies? Why did we get convinced that it was hard to make them? It took 2 minutes to throw together a perfect medium between fudgy and cake-like. Our freezer holds 2 loaves of frozen bread, a gallon ziplock full of french toast for quick breakfast, and tonight's addition - curried lentils with cauliflower and sweet potato. I made another double batch of gelato. The only failed experiment was the oatmeal bars stuck to the Pyrex. Tonight I made fruit and nut bars with strawberry jam and almonds. I have three dinners in my fridge, so I will actually have a night off from cooking tomorrow.

If Lindsay uses the word oviparous even in her typical three-word sentences, I probably will run screaming into the night.

Leapin Lauren

Balancing things out today.

Lauren's casual reading has improved a lot in the past few weeks. She reads practically everything these days. When we were leaving the shore, an old lady in the neighborhood gave both girls prayer cards. Lauren has been reading hers every time she gets into the car and brought it to children's choir to show the pastors. She loves choir, and is easily the loudest singer even though she's one of the youngest there. She remembers the lyrics quickly, and spends time during the week singing her favorite songs. She particularly likes singing about Jesus.

Lauren is completely rigid about certain things. She had wanted to buy lunch this week because they were having hot dogs. At the last moment, she changed her mind and got a deli sandwich instead because she realized the aid was going to put ketchup on top of her hot dog, and she prefers it on the roll.

Big little girl

Upon returning from vacation, I had to put away all of Lindsay's 18 months clothes because her t-shirts were too tight and her leggings were becoming capri pants. I bought a few things at one of the children's clothing outlets nearby the shore, alarmed that we were going into a new season with a mere half dozen items of clothing. I moved the 24 months/2 toddler clothes from the basement, and was delighted to see that Lauren's hand-me-downs were more than adequate for two or three kids. Lindsay is enjoying her "new" clothes.

Two weeks ago we began teaching Lindsay her colors. Before we left for vacation, the only color she consistently named was pink. It sort of figures, since most of her clothes are pink. Today, she was sorting Lauren's color-coded word building blocks by color. She named all the colors when asked. At the library, we played with a wooden Noah's arc toy, and she named and made sounds for all the animals. She was also pretending to pour the contents of a cup into a pan when playing with the library's play kitchen. She stirred the imaginary contents in the pan with a spatula.

We've regressed a bit in terms of meals, and she's back to grazing and then refusing to sit for and eat a formal meal. Lindsay threw a tantrum today that lasted 20 minutes over not getting to sit in my lap to eat lunch.

She refused to wear shoes today, and since we were just running errands around town while she sat in the stroller this morning, and at church for children's choir, she went without. She complained that she wanted to play with the kids on our pastors' daughters' swing set, and I told her she could, but she needed to let me put on her sneakers.

"No wan seekers."

"Ok. Then you can't play on the swing."

"Wan swing."

She didn't have a tantrum, but she argued with me the entire fifteen minutes that we were there.

Monday after vacation

We got home yesterday from down the shore. What a beautiful week! We had a great time staying with our friends. We rode bikes on the boardwalk, flew kites and made sandcastles on the beach. We enjoyed some great barbecue, a couple really nice restaurants, and even made lobster and steamers one night. It was exactly the sort of beach holiday that would be framed warmly in my mind as a kid, and Lauren had an absolute ball. Well, Lindsay did also, but she won't remember.

Mondays are always tough. But today with a touch of a cold I brought back from the beach, rainy weather, and way too much to do around the house I am feeling less-than-motivated. I keep jotting tasks down on a post-it. It seems I will have to tear myself away from the computer to get them done...

Lauren's eye view

These were taken with Lauren's camera. Incidentally, if you take out a camera and point it at Lindsay, she now says cheese.



No one likes to be woken up to someone taking their picture...

Sometimes

Lindsay has been running a fever since last night's bedtime, so I missed Lauren's spring concert today, and had to cancel her planned play date - and refuse her friends who invited her over. I made a hot dog with rice and beans, hoping this might begin the distraction from all the fun things she wasn't able to do today because sister was sick.

We kicked off Lauren's early dismissal before spring break with a little home mani-pedi. I went upstairs and brought down the shades of pink, some of the top-shelf hotel cream, and a towel.

"Can I pick a different pink for my toes and fingers?"

"Sure. I like them to match, but you can have yours however you like."

She selected petal pink for her toes and fuschia for her fingers.

She waited as patiently as she could manage for the ten minutes or so it takes the "sets in 60 seconds" colors to dry, and wound up with very tidy-looking nails, sans the little flower designs they do in the salon, but pretty none the less.

We spent the rest of the afternoon painting, coloring, cutting, and pasting. We made a morning routine reminder list with pictures. We painted a little wooden birdhouse wind chime purple and pink.

"The assembly was boring, Mom," she said softly, "it was OK that you missed that one."

"I'm sorry I missed you singing." I replied. "We'll go next time."

"Ok," she replied, busily drawing a castle for her princess.

Baptism

I'm getting baptized tomorrow. Here's the play-by-play:

For Heather, who was not baptized as a child, today is a day for you to receive the sign of God’s unconditional “yes, I love you,” and to celebrate that while the sign is coming at this moment of your life, God really baptized you with God’s loving Spirit long ago. God has been with you since the beginning.

Heather, I ask you to please come to the font.

Heather, it was for you that Jesus Christ came into the world. For you he died and for you he conquered death; yes for you, Heather. We love because God first loved us.

Heather, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

This is my testimony:

I don’t know how long I had said, “I need to get closer to God but I don’t know how.” I worried that when my daughters were old enough to ask questions about faith, I wouldn’t how to answer them.

The day Lauren came home from school and said, “I want to go to church.” I said, “Sure, we’ll go on Sunday.”

I thought I was bringing her here. I see now that Lauren brought me here because I needed to be here. God is great!

At 22 months

Lauren, June 2004

Lindsay, March 2008