Thursday, January 03, 2008

Your fake dad doesn't buy you cigarettes

One of the most popular New Years' resolutions is quitting smoking. I personally am on my sixth quit. I could probably tell you within reasonable certainty about four of them because they corresponded with positive pregnancy tests, but this time I really have no idea. After I had Lindsay, I had the occasional cigarette - one every two to three weeks. I'd have weeks where I'd have one every night. Suddenly when the opportunity was there, I just didn't feel like it. A couple months passed and I realized I wasn't thinking Oh I can't wait until a week from Thursday when I can smoke a cigarette! it just was no longer part of me. It felt weird because smoking consumes a lot of your thinking when you do it. How many cigarettes do I have in my pack? Do I need to stop to get a pack? Do I have my lighter in this pocket? Do I have time to have a cigarette before I go to work? It was constant planning from the moment I extinguished one until I lit the next one up.

I have 3 siblings and each of us at one time smoked or still smoke. We all smoke(d) the same brand of cigarettes. I think that's an odd fact since we didn't do it together as teenagers. I had long since left when Ben started, and Ben lived with my dad and his second wife as a teenager while James lived with my mom and her husband. My dad also smoked them, though he's been quit at least a couple years now.

It helps I have very little exposure now to smokers. It was pretty hard the first time I quit when I was working in the restaurant and the entire staff would light up on break. When I went back to work after having Lauren, it wasn't that I worked with a lot of other smokers, but it was just part of my work routine. But no one lights up here waiting at the bus stop. The smoking moms I've met have been few and far between.

I should probably just pick a date. I know I quit before the spring because the last time I smoked it was cold. March 10th? It just seems sort of arbitrary.


karen said...

Do you need a date so you can celebrate? I think quitting smoking is something you can celebrate 365 days of the year! Changing your life like that, especially with regard to a physically addictive habit that also consumes your thinking, is really hard. Cheer for yourself every day - I will!

Sister K said...

i know a few people who struggle with this addiction. i can only imagine it to be sooooo difficult! have you considered chantix? i've talked with a number of people now, both colleagues and patients who have said it has helped immensely. just a thought. keep going! you rock!