If my kids left notes

Dear Mom,

You're so boring, I am lining up my hopscotch numbers and playing house with them. I've wished them all good morning and good night, and gave them allowance out of my piggy bank. Next, I'm going to play doctor with my socks.

Love, Lauren

and not to be outdone...

Dear Mom,

Please let me climb out of more stuff. Doing a faceplant on the dining room table while you tried to hang up the phone was a blast.

Love, Lindsay